were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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