It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
