he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Help. Why am I so naked?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
