My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
