I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
