I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
