they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
