Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
