You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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