i think i have two assholes
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
