she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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