It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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