filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
