I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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