I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
