The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
