Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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