I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
