After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
