Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
