Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
