Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
2020 sucks, I want a refund
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize