after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
