He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
