i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
