Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
