Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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