you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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