I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
