Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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