im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
