Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
