i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Drunk is not a location!
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
