So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
