Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
