Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I want to fling myself into the sun
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
