You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
i need some magic done to my vagina
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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