You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
