I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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