capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
