UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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