Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
