My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
