Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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