So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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