So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
