we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize