My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
My bed smells like the plague
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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