He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
