Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
