When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize