i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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