for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize