When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
