I wanna passion pit in your ass
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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