The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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