chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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