I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize