I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
