I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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