I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I believe in your delicious
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
why is half of my head shaved?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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