So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
lol hangovers are for mortals.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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