he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
