i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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