I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
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