so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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