how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
