That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
