What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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