I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize